So many reasons of happiness this day.
First is Beb’s 21st Birthday. Ngayon ko lang naisip na debut pala ng mga boys ang 21 🙂 Well, we are so much excited about stuffs kaya preoccupied na. I didn’t also has the chance to prepare a surprise for him because I’m more excited in seeing him. That is where I focused on. But still, I’m able to call him at exactly 12 am just to greet him. I always wants to be the first to make him happy on his day even in simple means.
Second: It’s our 26th Monthsary 🙂 Yeah, it was 26 months and counting with my forever 🙂 Cheesy haha. I’m just proud that I finally met the man whom I want to be with. Yung lalaking gusto kong alagaan at iharap sa Kanya. I don’t exactly remember how I was able to found out that it was already him, ganun naman dba? Kapag dumating na sayo yung hinihiling mo, hindi mo na maexplain yung feelings or yung reason about everything that is happening? Yun lang talaga yung naaalala kong naramdaman ko when things are falling into its right places especially nung nagsastart pa lang kami. I feel so blessed. I felt how He loves us so much that we are able to share it to the people around us.
We never been this happy. It was so priceless looking back on those days na napakasimple lang nang lahat. We are just studying, enjoying our life together with our friends and family, savoring the moments that we never thought will happen.
Third, (and lastly) Beb’s arrival here in Manila after a long 4 months of working in Davao.
Thank God because I was able to fetch him on the airport. We waited for the taxi, then diretso sakanila para makapagpahinga siya. I really loved seeing him hugging and kissing his mother. It was really obvious how they missed each other. Grabe that was so sweet, sayang di ko napicturan 🙂 Then dinner with them, usual bonding lang din, nuod ng videos ng AlDub hehe, walked along Taft Avenue, then to SM Manila, just like the old times. Harutan, kwentuhan at walang sawang lambingan, pambawi sa mga panahon na namiss namin sa isa’t isa.
Kapag nirereminisce ko yung mga nangyayari from the past 2 years, there’s always sadness because iba talaga yung set-up kapag nagsisimula palang kayo and kapag naging mas comfortable na kayo sa isa’t isa, you are slowly understanding that love is not just about the “kilig”. Dumadating na yung challenges where you really have to sacrifice things for the sake of your future.
And that’s what happened this past few months, the reality of preparing each other’s future hits us. I told him honestly about my feelings when he was away. There are times na hindi talaga ako masaya kaya naneneglect ko siya. I mean, kahit anong gawin niyang sweetness or effort over the phone, hindi parin enough yun para mafeel ko yung happiness na nararamdaman ko kapag physically present siya. Kaya I always ended up in finding joy on material things, like yung fangirling, and buying stuffs na gusto ko kahit hindi ko naman kailangan. It was so different comparing myself before siya umalis.
Kahit ako sa sarili ko, dumating yung point ako mismo sa sarili ko na alam kong hindi na tama yung mga ginagawa ko, mas nagiging maluho na ko at kung anu- ano na yung ginugusto at binibili ko pero sige lang, hinahayaan ko lang, thinking that it would satisfy my needs. But it was not. It never made me feel contented. Totoo, kung anong meron kami sa pamilya ngayon parang hindi parin enough. The more na maraming dumadating, mas lalo kang nag-dedemand for more. I don’t know how it all happened sakin. I can’t explain basta yung mga panahon na yun ee wala ako sa sarili ko. Masyado akong affected sa dami nang changes sa buhay namin.
I felt pity for my self during those days. Hindi ko na nakilala yung sarili ko. I always cried to God everytime I wish everything to be normal again. I want myself back. I wanted to be the simple Colette that I always and supposed to be.
And now, Beb is here, nandito na yung taong nagpapaalala sakin kung sino talaga ako. He never get tired on reminding me how simple I am, kung pano niya ko nakilala at yung mga values na minahal niya sakin at of course, yung mga bagay na mas naappreciate ko sa sarili ko.
The joy that I felt when I finally saw and touch him on the air
port was priceless. During our moments together yesterday, I can proudly say that I finally got myself back. (Teary eyed parin ako pag naaalala ko yung realization kong yun) And tagal kong inantay yung genuine happiness na yun.
And also, seeing the simplicity of their family, made me realize that it was all what I want and what I’m wishing for. Contentment and app
reciation on everything that we are having right now. His mom’s eyes are glowing when they saw Beb, I know just being complete on this days is all they are asking for. That is their happiness, more than the material things. God knows how I also waited and searched for that feeling.
Thank God for giving me him, for making me see the things that longed to see. Ito na yun Lord, and ako, tutulungan ko nadin yung sarili ko na ibalik kung ano talaga ako dati. Stay grounded, humble and pursue your dreams. Enough na sa fangirling and sa mga habits na alam kong hindi rin makakatulong sakin. And of course, I will also help him kasi mas kailangan niya ngayon yun, since he will be starting over again sa pagwowork.
I know, that 4 months is short compared sa pinagdadaanan na long distance relationship ng ibang tao, but what’s important for me in being on that situation are the learning that I got during those days. Yes, madami akong natutunan, hindi talaga madali, kahit gano kayo ka-secure sa isa’t isa, may magbabago at magbabago padin. Hindi lang naman sa third parties ee, I mean kahit walang involve na ibang tao, yung attention pwedeng malipat sa ibang bagay kaya dumadating yung point na nagiging insignificant na lang siya, yung parang wala na lang. Wala nang thrill kaya ang tendency, hahanap ka ng ibang bagay para magpasaya sayo. It can be a positive or negative one. And I’m glad that I surpassed from that. God didn’t let me blinded by materials things (although muntik na).
So now, let me just share this thanksgiving prayer that I realized from all the challenges that we/ I encountered over the months.
Lord, Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me realize my mistakes. I wasn’t able to recognize who I really was during those days that I am making myself busy just to forget how sad it was to be alone, and for not considering that you are always by my side. Thank you for not giving up on me especially in times that I almost neglected you and him. I know, I sometimes not able to do what I supposed to do, sometimes my words and actions are different from what I have to be. I really felt sorry for that. And now that the man you gave to me is already here, I promise to gained everything that I missed and lose. I swear to make it up to him and to You. Along with the upcoming year, I’ll try my best to start it according to your plans. Let all your words be my actions, lend me your hand and help me share it to others, just like how you use John to help me to be myself again. Let their happiness be my happiness too, Please take me away from greediness, envious and worldly actions/deeds and assumptions. For all our actions are for your glory. In Jesus name, Amen.